Marver Seeks To Cut Down On Law Enforcement

Mille Bournes - a classic card game in which the winner is the first to compile one-thousand miles.

Mille Bournes - a way to avoid criminal punishment?

According to Mr. Marver, yes.  In another political move early Friday, the 2024 Presidential candidate revealed detailed plans to avoid what he considers "ticky-tac" laws.  Included in the plans is a clause that allows those pulled over for "stupid driving rules that don't need to be enforced like speeding, not using a blinker, drinking and driving" to be let off, if they defeat the cop who pulled him/her over in a game of Mille Bournes.  Marver would continue to say, "It only makes sense.  If girls can get off the hook by giving cops blowjobs, then it only makes sense that there's some way for males to get off the hook."  A reporter would then comment, "Cops never let anyone off," to which Marver said "Is someone talking?  I certainly don't hear anyone."

Marver would later go on to say, "Cops give people bullshit tickets anyway.  It only makes sense for people to be able to get off the hook if they really didn't do anything.  Seriously...the way they calculate how fast you are going is bullshit.  It's like they roll two dice and then combine the two digits.  They're like 'um, sir, you were going, hold on (rolls dice) sixty-five miles per hour in a, hold on let me roll the dice again...twenty-five mile per hour zone.'  If I sound sour about stupid things like this it's because I am.  Fucking shit, I wasn't speeding!"

Obviously frustrated by his ticket, reasonably so as Mr. Marver wasn't speeding at all, he continued his law reform vocal  tirade  that echoed throughout his 1997 Ford Ranger.  "And we all know the reason we can't be in beach parking lots after eleven o'clock is because the cops need the lots to themselves so they can jerk each other off to make themselves feel better for making everyone else's lives miserable because of bullshit, crap laws they enforce when there are far worse crimes going unnoticed, perhaps like Kurt Dearie completely sucking at teaching and getting away with it.  Dearie really really sucks at teaching."

Mr. Marver then had a glass of milk to ease his anger.  That lasted .00254 seconds.  "And if you are arrested for drug possession," continued Marver, "or something to that degree, you should be able to be set free if you can roll a Yahtzee on your first roll.  I mean, come on.  If you can roll a Yahtzee on your first roll in a situation like that you deserve to be let off.  That's just common sense."


Marver then offered another way to avoid direct punishment, this time with a more controversial group of criminals.  "Those sentenced to death or life in prison should all be placed into a giant Royal Rumble to the death type event.  How much fun would it be to watch them kill each other?  No one would feel bad because they were all going to die anyway.  Plus, think of all the tax dollars we'd save by having lower prison costs, not to mention all the revenue generated from commercials  and advertisements placed during the events.  I'm such a genius."

While many people have criticized Mr. Marver's proposed plans, cops around the world have systematically begun to commit suicide following Mr. Marver unearthing why they are in parking lots after eleven o'clock when no one else is allowed to.  Commented David; "Boo, fucking hoo."